I find myself at sea, sailing the waters, and for every wave that creates turbulence, I must hang tight. The smooth sailing is abruptly forgotten when the storms arrive, and I hold on for my life.  Each storm taught me a different lesson, and by now I know every inch of this vessel.  Yet as I sail happily with the wind blowing through my hair, an unexpected soul lost at shore needs rescuing, and I am present once again.  I forget my life is just as important.  I forget I have to save myself, too. I give and rarely take, and that is how my ship begins to sink.

You crossed my path, and I hesitated, and then, with time, I let you stay. When you left, that’s when I learned the lesson. For every person that has crossed my path, I eventually thanked each and every one for the conversations, experiences, and for the scriptures they left upon my soul. I believe now everything happens for a reason, and every person who touches my life does so for a reason.  There are lessons we all must learn, and until we learn those lessons, we will continue to be handed assignments until one day we pass the test. Until one day we figure out how to sail forward, to not look back, to forgive, and no longer regret. Now, a stronger version of me emerges and sets sail once again. 

Life lessons cannot be taught, and there is no manual on this ship. I began to put up a guard and set my own boundaries. I learn your flaws first so I may use them against you, and that way, I can navigate this pull and, in turn, hurt less when you decide I no longer deserve to be in your life. I have no desire to conquer the waters if victory means I must dampen another soul. You see, if you held my hand with even an inch of love, then blemishing you is impossible for me. My conscious doesn’t allow me to hurt the one I once embraced; I’d let you go silently, lovingly. You don’t get to choose the way I feel, or if I feel, you get to choose if you stay, you get to choose if I am worthy of your love. I am steering this secure soul, and I choose whom I love deeply, and I am also aware that eventually I will hurt just as much.

Then the universe presented me with another earthly episode, one in which no matter how hard I try, what is to happen will happen. It’s called destiny.  Destiny speaks a language of its own, one that the wise understand.  You cannot change the manner in which your life unfolds; you can think all you want. What has happened and what is happening are irrelevant to what we don’t know about tomorrow.

I mended my unbalanced vessel once you left. I began another journey through different waters.  The essence of my vitality showed me, for every night there is a morning waiting, for every tear there is a smile illuminating, and for every goodbye there is another welcome.  I was worthy of every embrace I took, and I am worthy of every breath I inhale, and every anchor I released allowed me to come up and rejuvenate my unbalanced soul. For every chance I took, a new version of me emerged. The direction in which I maneuver my sails is my prerogative.

You left me a gift of a hurtful wound, and the sea breeze helped me turn it into a scar that will remind me I survived our journey. I’m navigating these waters with some resilience, faith, and a little panache because you happened to cross my path, and you will never know the mark you left upon my soul and the lessons you taught my heart.