The candle flickers and I grab my tea cup. I’m too lazy this evening to switch on the lamp and so my scented candle brings on an illusion of ease. I sink into the cushions hoping I don’t have to move for some time. I feel insanely proud I have everything I need at arm’s length. My favorite tunes play in the background, my remotes are on standby. It’s unlikely I’ll finish my book this evening but another one sits beneath it, you know, just in case a miracle were to happen. I grab my laptop and go over my calendar. It’s then I realize that just a few weeks ago I was prancing around on a mini vacay and in one split second everything changed. I now sit here with my fractured foot propped up on a cushion. There was no warning, no alert, just a sudden fall and everything changed in a split second.
The first week I spent cursing myself at my own stupidity, I was immobilized, in pain and very frustrated. The next two weeks I eventually succumbed to the disability a bit like the piece of chocolate that is now melting between my fingers. This mishap taught me a few lessons, perhaps I needed to re-learn. I realized I needed to be more aware, composure is essential, how else do we control ourselves? In most stages of my life I was never in a tempered state but today I have become more placid than ever before. I accepted the defeat and I learned how to tackle it with an equable state rather than fight it with agitation. Worrying over my negligence wouldn’t help it heal faster. This too shall pass, I told myself and in no time I’ll be on my feet again.
Time passes by, it should pass unruffled and when the hurdles appear we should deal with them with an open mind rather than avoid them. It’s beneficial for you to do a little spring cleaning of your mind from time to time. If scenarios or people aren’t operating on your frequency, it’s time to let them go. We unknowingly become accommodating to clutter. A year ago I was still inviting it, but today I diplomatically bypass the first sight of foreseen turmoil.
We live in a constant sense of anxiety on different levels, most of the time it’s an underlying pulsation but very much alive. Our subconscious is accustomed to instant results. In fact having composure takes effort. I find when I am still and calm, that is when the most positivity is acquired. It is then I am focusing and become the most phlegmatic. Everyone should master stillness but we resist a passive state. We are quick tempered in such a way that our wants and needs become priorities over self assurance, level headedness and above all patience.
In my respite, I voluntarily surrendered to my disability and slowly began to ease my nerves. My days were spent mostly occupying my mind with uncomplicated effortless tasks. The more I relaxed the more my stiffness released, the more of what didn’t matter so much, I let go. We tend to tense up with all the uncertain outcomes. It took me a long time to learn to embrace the moments. Nothing much was going to change if I stole some minutes from the busyness. We need to be retold about the journey, that it’s not always a race. We need to acquire stillness and maneuver at our own pace, so that we can soak up and surrender to the moments. Life is passing by no matter what happens, so why rush it when time can walk beside you.
As I continue scanning my year it dawns on me that so much changed in not just one week but even this year too. Two seasons passed, seven months came to an end, birthdays came and went. I am not the same person I was a year ago. We are constantly evolving. Stumbling on accidents teaches us lessons. How else do we reinvent ourselves? It mostly happens when things go wrong. You have to make the mistakes to realize what didn’t work. Our style changes with the decades that pass and so the same applies to the process in which we find ourselves. Why settle for basic when you can flourish and dance off the beaten path. Transformation is a wonderful thing.
My calendar has a few months left in this year. Rather than fill them up with an agenda, I’ve chosen to leave them blank. When tomorrow comes I’ll embrace it and every day after, each day as it comes, one day at a time. Trusting the process.