I walk a lot, alone, outdoors. My music, nature and me. I’m so used to it now, it’s become a ritual. It satisfies a hunger within me. One that needs to breathe the air and be sedative to unaccompanied noise. My thoughts are running and I get satisfaction from questioning and answering them. All the while I check out my surroundings and nod to passers by as if to acknowledge my presence. The fondness I have achieved from this self care ritual has made me somewhat a pacified soul. The fresh air clears my head, it clears my lungs and I can focus clearly.
The music only I can hear, soothes and calms the agitation that develops from this world that never seems to stop. Music for me is what sand is to the sea. It goes with me everywhere, it’s what my feelings sound like, it touches me emotionally where words cannot.
Today I wonder why we are always running to accomplish. Why are we constantly trying to compete as if the race will end without us? Does it even matter? Tomorrow if I don’t wake up the world will still be spinning without me. Then whom am I competing with or even pleasing? I should learn to understand myself and do things for me and satisfy my own thirst. If I’m content, only then should I consider pleasing another. You see, it is a substance of cause and effect. You are no good to someone else if you are not happy and in a good state of mind. You are no good to your family if you are unwell. You are no good to yourself if your head is filled with hiccups that belong to someone else, complicated obstacles and limitations.
It takes a great deal of courage to acknowledge that you are emotionally unsettled. We bury so much clutter in our minds it’s impossible sometimes to unravel. The road we travel is never smooth and we fail to look ahead and slow down to avoid the bumps approaching us. Instead we’re so busy dodging the unevenness before us we don’t see the ones coming. So you see, I walk not to avoid the bumps but to be a little more aware of how to deal with them and perhaps take a brief detour. Take it slow and easy, dealing with each bump when I get there. I walk to be vigilant and present in my thoughts and my surroundings.
This last paragraph is so powerful and I am grateful to be reminded of why I, too, have found great solace in the practice of walking. And to deal with my “unsettled emotions” I offer a quote that gives me great strength each day which is along the lines of “we forgive people not because they deserve forgiveness but because WE deserve peace.”