The subject was ‘the wedding ring’ and I had just finished explaining, I went through three rings during my one marriage.
“It should never be removed or replaced” were the words hurled at me, as if I had committed some crime. The words did a darn good job of stirring up fury in me. It was the stupidest comment I had heard and I felt compelled to explain that my entire body size changed throughout my married life, so how on earth did this man think I could keep the same ring on the same finger? For the sake of not making a scene, I got up and walked away.
It infuriated me further; not only was he imposing his insane beliefs upon me, but he knew nothing about me. What bothered me more was just because the wedding ring changed, my views didn’t change with it. The original vow I took with the exchange of my ring still sufficed even when my partner didn’t keep up his end of the deal, even when the bond lost its vibrancy, even when the ring was not on my finger. I remained the devoted one.
The second and third time I had to size up and then down, I did it alone. I went out and picked my own ring. I was foolish enough to transfer the original stone to the next ring as if it did mean something. By the third ring the excitement of marriage had worn off and I was left to remain dutiful solo. At some point, it lost its charm and became just another ring. The cost was worth more than the actual meaning. The unwavering feelings reminded me that it is actually just a piece of expensive metal that I held dear. The wholeness diminished and why I continued to replace it, I’ll never know.
I’d forget to put it on, but then there was also a reason why I had removed it in the first place. At times it suffocated me and then there were times I’d hold on to it as if it would make the heartbreak less painful. To tell myself a lie and to remind myself I did vow even though it meant nothing. It turned into a broken circle that accumulated imperfections.
The ‘ring’ is exchanged within many cultures together with wedding vows. It’s a symbol of your commitment, love and responsibility to one another and to the ritual of marriage. It symbolizes infinite, eternal love. In the beginning you feel almost giddy wearing this piece of metal with a cherry on top, showing it off as if you were the chosen one. It’s within this first phase of marriage that you adhere to the true meaning of the ceremony you have just taken part in.
I watch ring exchanges today with a heavy heart. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy for those who find their happiness in life but inside I also pray, they continue to uphold those vows. We forget, the size of the diamond or the name behind the band has no relevance. What is important is the giver and the receiver must begin and end on the same page of their story. That the words they speak today should also be respected throughout their book. This ring resembles an infinite source of love and should be honored. It’s a durable metal for a reason, it defines a strong bond between two people. The ring finger has a direct connection to the heart so they say. It’s a constant reminder that you pay tribute to your soulmate, you are always committed.
Yes, there is a meaning to this madness, and yet years later, here I am, ringless and uncommitted now. Society made up this ritual just like now there is a divorce ring, one you purchase to make yourself feel better. Does it make you feel better? Does it matter that you purchased it? Does it remind you of the ties you no longer have? The ring is just society’s way of preaching to you that you’re committed. Then life happens. You shouldn’t need a ring to remind you of your dedication and love.
The wedding ring or lack of should symbolize your own belief in this journey of two hearts. You are the author of your own story and the ring is just a gesture. It’s a little treasure that reminds us of our place and what we entered is a marriage of hearts. Your commitment and your love is held deep in your heart, not in this ring. You have to remain devoted and write your story together because when one skips a page, catching up becomes hard.
I did gain the courage to go back to ask, “Why? why should a wedding ring never be removed or replaced?” When a man can remove or replace me with that ring securely on my finger, I have every right too, to change it, wear it or leave it as I wish.