Up until recently, I had no clue at all what swiping left and right meant. It was new to me, this jargon of today’s youth. I found out about dating apps through the younger generation I met and how astonishingly most of the ‘unwed’ world is using them. In just a few years I have met with about a dozen young adults that share one thing in common. They are all in search of their ‘life partner’. My father used to tell me that matches are made in heaven and to leave it to destiny! So I’m confused now, does destiny know about the digital world we have acquired and about social media and dating apps? I’m curious if the stars get some kind of signal and intervene in the matchmaking process.
I come from a generation that grew up with none of this technology. We met people while socializing or through family and friends and friends of friends. We went on dates and actually had to wait patiently. We talked on the phone and saw each other in person, heck most of us even wrote letters. Not much got miscommunicated, we picked up the phone and talked every chance we got. Obviously looks mattered back then too, but they were easily overlooked because we saw the personality, straight away. We read body language and the instant connection or lack thereof was felt in person.
What even happened to courting? Does it even exist like it did back then? I’m not sure if things are the same because we didn’t have video calling and so called ‘proof’ of texting mishaps like we do today. I sometimes despise this digital era for the ‘in your face’ viewpoints. Nothing is left to your imagination and there was some magic in that.
I feel bad for the youth today because they will never fully experience what we had. Everything today involves communication via a smartphone. We were taught to be patient and to actually make an effort. Today, the effort seems to be effortless. They have so much right at the tips of their fingers yet they are dissatisfied with the outcomes. Navigating this freedom of endless searching has become frustrating for the majority. Talking to several people at the same time and wasting time only to find out that the person on the other end of the text was not the same in person. I listen to them and I feel for them.
Although technology has made this world somewhat easier, it hasn’t solved this problem really. Today out of the dozen single individuals I know not one is a virgin and not one of them is exercising their right to remain one. And why should they? Being single and a seeker of a relationship doesn’t mean you cannot fulfill your needs. When you do find the ‘right’ person, you still have the issues that were present generations ago. Will this work and will we make it to the end? Can I have a family with this person? Will my parents approve? Even today families don’t get along. These questionable obstacles still exist. Time is ticking and the desperation to start a family has become disheartening for many. Peer pressure together with pressure from parents is also lurking in the background. The choices they have to pick from are a dime a dozen, yet I feel this too is a problem. It’s like walking into a sweet shop and trying to make a choice to pick only one. Then the time you took choosing one only to find out it was too sour or too sweet so back to shopping on our phone we go.
I am happy to see that most of the younger generation is career focused, they own college degrees and focus on themselves and their careers. It’s a selfish generation and I say that commendably. Being educated and becoming independent should be a rule rather than a choice. Women are becoming somewhat equal and the choice to date and marry after becoming independent has left a growing gap for marriage readiness. Women becoming equal opponents and sometimes calling the shots and in turn the marriage age has increased and so the desperation cycle begins.
In my culture, back then, most marriages were arranged and although they were mostly successful not even a love marriage equaled full success. We married at a younger age and matured much quicker. I’m torn between these two eras and between right and wrong. Currently, I myself have the ‘anti-marriage’ syndrome. Part of me tells this youth to enjoy the single life, enjoy being you because that phase of your life you will never regain. Make something of yourself, become a success before you commit. Take those risks before a family becomes dependent on you. The other half sympathizes for there is a time and a place for every phase in life and time does not wait until you are ready. The biological clock doesn’t stop ticking. Once it passes, the choice of bearing children and starting a family also is next to impossible to replicate. I also came to the realization that your ‘soul mate’ shouldn’t be your life but rather add to your life. We get that part all mixed up.
So the era of original matchmaking may have succumbed to apps but having so many choices doesn’t make it any easier. And like my father used to say, marriages are made in heaven and everyone’s destiny is already written for them. Maybe we can find a way to link it to the smartphone.