“I don’t know who I am anymore.” I whispered. I remember that crisp Autumn day like it was yesterday. I was offered a cup of hot tea, to calm me. I continuously dunked the tea bag in the china cup, to stop my fingers from trembling. I met with a holistic healer for therapy. I lifted my gaze from the tea cup, looking at her curly hair, brown eyes and fair skin, I asked, “Do you know the person you are? I mean, do you know who you really are on the inside?” I had confused myself with the statement I made. She tried her best to coach me but I couldn’t reveal to her who ‘me’ was.

I didn’t even know how to feel because I looked elsewhere for validation. I wore what was expected of me. I was talked over and hardly given a chance to express my opinion. I was expected to play certain roles and those roles took away from my true identity. There is a difference between being yourself and being yourself to please another.

Every person has their own identity. Yet it’s also true that you can lose it. I’ve been there, where you’re stripped from the person you were meant to be. You don’t even realize it’s happening until one day, you wake up and you’ve lost all control over yourself. Occasionally, I’d look at my reflection in the mirror and I didn’t even recognize ‘me’. I was there in person, a person that someone else wanted me to be. I walked around with a filter, my thoughts remained in my head and my conversations with myself were fitting for someone who was disconsolate. It’s the trespassing that weakens you and the constant tampering that allows the insecurities to pile up. Identity is not only just your physical presence, there is a mental and emotional aspect to it as well. It’s who you are in your organic state, before the noise of your surroundings zones in on you.

I can’t tell you my life wasn’t fulfilling, of course it was. I accomplished a lot. But I didn’t know who I really was until much later in life. I didn’t come to terms with myself as an individual until I had no choice but to work on myself. When there was no other person influencing my decisions or watching my every move did I know the real ‘me’. I became oblivious to my own rights and little by little I gave up those rights to satisfy others. Liberation is the act of being set free from oppression. Victory happens when you win at something you were failing at. Facing something you were afraid of is liberation with victory. That is exactly how I gained back my identity. I would be lying if I told you it was easy.

And then there are those who know they are different, but cannot express their true individuality because society speaks for us. The journey of learning who you really are, for some, is not an easy ride. They hide and please for the sake of not being singled out or not accepted. Why do they have to fit in? Why can’t they belong with the rest? No one should need to be validated or meet expectations. Why should you conform to someone else’s beliefs? We all do it, we stare, and point and judge. We do it because what is ‘normal’ works for the majority, but when someone is out of place, we speculate. It doesn’t fit into our realm of normalcy and so we’re not satisfied, because the reality is, it makes us uncomfortable.

I can only talk from experience, my experiences tell me, as a human being your first right is to own your identity. It’s your right to live on your own terms and own a brand of your own. ‘Being you’ shouldn’t require another person’s intrusion. You should be accepted for who you are, nothing more, nothing less. In a world where everything is copied, you should remain unique. Your identity is your passport through life, own it!