The hot tea is warming my insides while I gaze out of the window. I’m beginning to realize the longer I stand here that I made the right choice of moving to a warmer place and making it my home. I feel the cold air seeping through the window pane and its unforgiving bitterness as it swims through my body. I try hard to remember how the heat felt on me and how it relaxes my every limb. Here the air is cold and dry inside and outside. I wonder if it’s just me or does everyone tense up in this piercing chill.
Outside the trees have lost their charm altogether as if death faintly touched them. I know they will bloom again and it reminds me of phases I once lived. They’ve lost their appeal and will to be attractive. Yet because they are well rooted, they know how to persevere through the winter months. They will survive, just as I have done. Each one stands tall and sturdy reminding me how much one should believe in oneself. My eyes scan the landscape, even in the bright of the day this place looks as if color lost its way here. The grass that once was a vibrant green is nothing but parched straw. It too waits for the season to pass. The waiting game, we all play it.
I turn and look around inside and the plants beside me are in a happier space. They get fed and sheltered from the harsh cold, they live a better life, it shows in their lush green leaves. It’s also the love they get, isn’t it? They get a different type of attention than the lonely plants suffering outside. We all need love and care, a little compassion goes a long way.
The animal beside me is in a deep slumber, she’s radiating warmth and I’m loathing the layers I added on to protect myself from this frigid air. If only she could speak, what would she tell me? I wonder how life has treated her in my absence. I stroke her thick fur assuring myself of the love we once shared. She’s grown and looks majestic and I missed her but she remembered me. She snuggles close and lets out a deep sigh, this is what it’s all about, the way one makes us feel safe and protected. She is the one that loved me unconditionally through it all. I raised her and I’ll always be her mother, nothing can change that.
I sip the warm liquid to soothe my hoarseness. Soon enough I will escape again and go back to baking in the sun. Somehow I cannot shake off the fact that this was my home most of my life, this numbing chill, the dried chapped lips and frozen fingertips were a part of my being. Seasons changed and life happened. Every spring there was a rebirth and every winter something gave up. When I couldn’t keep up with the demands of the change I withdrew to a place where the consistency of the season didn’t ask too much of me.
I have to try hard to look past the inhospitable way the chill lingers around and replace it with the warming people. That is the reason I am here, the people who warm my heart. I try harder to think of the smiles I will see today and the laughter and chat of days gone by. Comfort food and drinks bring a smile to my face. I always surrender to a fine meal, great company and a toast to good health. It’s the beings I come back for. They are the ones I miss and the ones I remember. Whatever fills my heart with warmth and wherever the beautiful smiles greet, wherever the love embraces is wherever I can be me, but my happy place is always my home.