I stare out of the floor-to-ceiling windows; the view never gets old. A whole world passes by, a world that never stops. No matter what happens, life carries on, and everyone manages. ‘It was never meant to be anyway.’ These are the exact words I should say, but I’m speechless.

I turn and look at the chiseled face with indented lines I know so well. It is also gazing out at nothingness. Something has changed. There’s a moment of silence scattered here and there, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. We tried to brainstorm and put the pieces where they belong, but they became misaligned—just like our relationship, which remains incomplete.

It was never meant to be, and even though I longed for the day that things might change in my favor, I knew very well that nothing would. It’s not healthy to ponder over “what ifs.” The rules were laid out in the beginning, and knowing the results, I played the game. It was wonderfully played at first, no matter how short it was.

I was stunned at how I became so likable and adored. Someone’s behavior toward me opened up a side of me I never knew existed. It took time, and now the very person I opened up to is becoming estranged. This person taught me how to be comfortable with myself and revealed how interesting and intelligent I am. They guided me into a realm of stoicism. I don’t think I fully understood how my secure, organic simplicity was attractive and appealing to this individual.

This person accepted me for who I was, not who they wanted me to be. It was the intensity of our conversations and our agreeable differences that provided me with an environment to voice my opinions. I fit like a glove when we bonded; nothing felt out of place. I never knew one could become so naturally comfortable with another person. We laughed, confided in each other, debated, and even became upset, but we knew how to accept our differences and move forward with respect.

Some people cross your path and leave marks—not small blemishes, but an impact so profound that it alters your world. As they journey on, they teach you the lessons you must learn, then begin their exit. You stand in a trance and wonder if your life will ever be the same again. A tear escapes, and out of fear of more following, I get up and walk toward the window.

It’s a vast world out there with billions of people, I tell myself. I will find another. But will I? There are no regrets, just sadness.

The thought of losing what could have been makes me shudder because it was easy and comfortable. Like home, it made me feel safe, and deep down, I knew it would shelter me. That feeling of safety was all it took. Except I forgot; I was hurt right at the beginning when the rules were laid out. I continued playing a game I would never win, all while knowing nothing would change. So, my decision to move on became not just a reality but a choice based on the facts that there was nothing here for me to grow on.

I look back at the sad face and glazed hazel eyes. No matter how badly I want to replace this tear with the laughter that erupted effortlessly between us, or how badly I want to be held and hold on, I know it will only lead to heartache. I feel like the flower bud in a vase that wants to bloom in all its glory but is left to wilt because it needs to be nurtured constantly.

Finally, and so late in life, I had found my safe space—an embrace that could heal, an ear that would listen, and a partner in crime who never questioned my insanity. No one won this game; we gave up before it ended. I wanted to beg for another chance, but instead, I managed to force the words out: “It was never meant to be anyway.”