“Mom, Mom, Mom!” The same word on repeat at times would make me cringe. On the other hand it’s also the one word you never want to stop hearing. Mothering gives you a sense of purpose. It’s a meaningful role and I was a Super Mom. I did it all, nothing was unattainable, unfixable or impossible. I handled it all, mostly I did it alone. I was that one ‘go to’ person that my children needed. I became the person I didn’t have growing up.
Eventually your children grow up and find themselves friends and new relations and then they move out into the big wide world. My children found other ‘go to’ people and without even knowing it, I became an afterthought. I held the third, fourth, and fifth place in line. I never thought it was possible to be, not so dependable anymore.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, as a young mother I didn’t quite believe it, because I was super Mum. Not until they grew up or something so profound happens do we realize that it does in fact take a village. You can’t always be there, you can’t always hear their cries for help and you can’t always fix everything.
When distance set in, I tried harder than I had ever done before to stay in touch. Even when I was hurt by them, I reached out. I set aside my ego and my respected role and addressed a communication gap that so many parent’s miss. I thought I was doing everything right. The truth is, parents fill a wider gap in a child’s early years, when they grow up others fill the gap that we parents refuse to see or acknowledge. Unknowingly they reach out to others for guidance, because we can’t be there or we sometimes become ignorant.
So when an issue arises, instead of acting on impulse, ask yourself what choices did they have. If they chose a path unaligned with yours, it’s because they are not you. We are quick to be judgmental, but that’s not what they need, and perhaps it’s a reason you weren’t the first shoulder in line. Perhaps they too are protecting you, or maybe you should ask yourself why you weren’t there.
I commend the friends and teachers who fill in those blank spaces. The voids that need attention. I raise my hat to the role models in every child’s life that help make them feel heard and supported. The people our children turn to because we can’t be there. Our own lives are demanding and stressful and we don’t see the silent queues or we disregard an important aspect. We forget, this is their life and every human is unique.
When I’m not there battling for them, I hope there is someone my child looks up to. Someone they can turn to in their time of need and someone who can understand why they can’t reach out to me. We teach our children to grow wings and fly, we teach them to be independent and strong. It’s a cruel world and we give them the means to survive out there. We teach them the very things that ultimately wound us.
I’m proud of my children, I’m proud of the mother I am. I’m also proud of the ones who were there for them because I couldn’t be. It does take an entire community to contribute to many aspects of a child’s well being, be it socially, emotionally or intellectually. It takes an entire village to raise a child, and it takes special people to accept them for who they are.
