I’m beginning to forget what you feel like. I’m leaving behind all the feelings of discontent as I slide into this new phase. I forget why I was there, why your presence didn’t allow me to sway from the uneasiness of your space. I’m beginning to forget what made me feel like you were worth the wait. Why my patience overrode my will to want something I thought was unattainable. I’m beginning to forget the pain I endured. My limbs have forgiven the brutality of your words. The words that displaced me, they made me feel unworthy and because time didn’t allow me to flow with the winds, I succumbed to your seasons of bitterness.
They say time heals, not really, it doesn’t heal a thing. Time passed, and with each passing year, I started to forget a little more. Time did teach me to not give up. We never completely heal. New desirable circumstances become just that, more desirable than what you leave behind. I’ve allowed myself now to shed the layers of wounds your impact had upon me. Yesterday I hung on to them, self pity doesn’t allow you to let go. Self pity demolishes your will to break free.
A mere image, a spoken word, a passing scent, anything familiar has the ability to take me back and make me feel the discomfort once again. There was a time I felt it with so much intensity. But slowly, I began to forget what suffering was. I’m loosening the links that tied me down.
No matter how long you live in someone’s shadow, you can break free. We don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve. The courage we have lives dormant and so you continue to follow the path of subdued resentment until one day you realize the shadow you follow has no soul, therefore no heart. You were blindly giving to someone who doesn’t deserve your beats.
I’m here to tell you, there is a way to break free. You need the will to fight, to be able to unchain all that’s weighing you down. It isn’t dishonorable to be a little selfish. It is commendable to have the strength to walk your own walk. It is admirable to know your worth. That is how one day you learn to forget the pain you endured. You can battle the demon that kept you from living and when you taste the sweetness of freedom and this beautiful life you will slowly shed the wounds and begin to forget.
I’m learning that little by little letting go is fruitful. I’m embarking on a journey of self worth and making space for my own portrait, replacing each tear with a smile. Replacing the discontent with hope, replacing the unjust with some clarity. Time did teach me how to live again. A different kind of love gave birth within me and slowly but surely, everything became better without you. One fine day, I’ll forget what you made me feel like.