To me a successful person is one that has mastered many attributes in one’s lifetime. Riches alone do not make you successful. Your qualities and traits as a human being together with your ability to have compassion and respect earn you distinction.
I used to believe that behind every successful person there was a support system. I was superficially led to believe a family would stand beside you through thick or thin. They would support you, but that was an infatuation, for me anyway. I belong to Gen X, we are sandwiched in between the Baby Boomers and the Millennials; the bridge between the older and younger generations. The women of my generation did a lot of supporting. We delivered and most times it was a thankless job. The saying, ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’ is valid, I did prove that right in my lifetime. The successful men in my life had me backing them up.
I was never reluctant to support, aid or otherwise bear the load. I never second guessed a hand in need. Contributing my efforts enabled me to feel essential and that was my ticket to give more. I gave more in the affair called marriage too. When you bear equal weight you’re demonstrating success bifold. Bearing more than you can handle leaves you debilitated. Watching yourself deteriorate trying to bear an uneven load is when the disconnect begins. I was looking for support, even a gesture of recognition was enough and most of my life that simple act went undisplayed. I carried on bearing the load. It’s disheartening and eventually the inevitable happens and you not only disengage, you’re sapped of whatever energy you had and then you become paralyzed.
Running a home, raising children, caring for elderly parents is not really considered work or even success for that matter. Making a living, which I did equally was the fruit that showed the appeal for my success. I was also made to believe that I wouldn’t make it out there alone. My dependency on a man was a predetermined fate. I couldn’t succeed without a successful man backing me up. Quite sad when you think about it. We have made our way into the 21st century yet such outdated beliefs still lurk around. My definition of feminism has nothing to do with gender equality, because we can never be equal, how can we be? We need balance in any relationship, a person who can bear the load equally.
Someone once told me, I wasn’t made for a job I had undertaken. I managed a smile as he gave me his unwanted opinion. The short one sided conversation made me ponder his idiotic arrogance. I questioned his morals and did I intimidate him? There is a separation between such individuals, the variance is mindset. You feel superior but I am modest. You’re patronizing and I’m humble. You can think you’re smarter because you are louder. You feel the need to be heard and I don’t feel the need to engage. You seek attention and I have no interest in being noticed. I am resilient, both physically and mentally, I am enough. There are opponents out there that are intimidated by the confidence I’ve mastered and they should be, my success came with a price and it’s portrayed in the qualities I possess.
Sadly, and this may surprise a few too many, I walked behind a man but he was never behind my success. There was never a man cheering me on, and this is a simple fact that is hard to digest for many. Yet here I am, I built, I raised, I gave, I supported, I endured. There was never a ‘me’ that stood by me. I did it alone, I’m still doing it alone.
Behind every successful woman is herself ~ Halle Berry