While on my travels, I had the privilege to converse with a gentleman. He was a journalist and a publisher and he traveled the world. The afternoon we met, we had a very meaningful conversation. It turned out we had a lot in common, we shared the same birthday, we both enjoyed writing, wine and cheese. He was quite a bit older than myself and you could tell he had lived an interesting life. His mature features conveyed good judgement about the wisdom he shared and his mannerism told me he was accustomed to many different cultures.
As we pondered over bubbly and bites, I noticed what set him apart was his doddery ability to get the attention of passers by and his eccentric politeness. He was definitely distinctive. During our interaction his quirkiness humored me, for instance, he carried with him his spice shaker for his meals. He spoke many dialects and this also intrigued me. He was unique and very proud of himself and his accomplishments, a well grounded gentleman.
As we discussed life, he proceeded to give me lessons on aging. He asked me what I thought was the most beautiful thing about myself? I sat silently for a few moments because I had never thought about it, let alone have an answer waiting to be disbursed. I answered with a question; “Maybe my smile?” He laughed, his deep embedded wrinkles showed how much I humored him. “That is what the audience finds beautiful about you dear, but what do you think is beautiful about yourself?” I couldn’t come up with an answer but I told him I’d think about it more and get back to him. While I was disoriented he was still amused.
I told him I found myself disproportionate for lack of trying to find a better word to fit my middle aged figure. Although I would have otherwise been offended by anyone agreeing, he did agree. But he said that had nothing to do with the question at hand. He continued to tell me the great love of his life was Sophia Loren and she was disproportionate, but she was also an image of timeless beauty. The Roman Empress captured so many hearts. I myself once idolized her. When I thought hard I began to realize he was right; she wasn’t at all perfect, much rather the opposite. It was the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, her mannerism that made her the most attractive. She was beautiful in her own way.
The original question continued to bother me. How is it that I don’t know what is beautiful about myself? I’m at the peak of my life and I don’t know what I find beautiful about myself. Do we just maneuver into phases of our lives and fix things we see in the mirror as faults and not notice the real beauty we hold? Why are we trying so hard to look a certain way and fit a certain mold? Why are we pleasing others and what are we gaining from it all? The biggest question being, why are we not in tune to the beauty within?
As I bid farewell to my new found friend, I continued recalling the advice and thoughts of this man, who in one sitting, taught me about being beautifully confident in my own skin; to allow myself to love me. It didn’t matter that I was just starting out in midlife. My past didn’t matter to him, my age didn’t matter at all. It had no relevance that I was starting over and just began writing. What mattered was the way I spoke about myself. “Speak of your accomplishments with pride” he said. “Not about what destroyed you but what made you.” He told me to give myself the time to learn about my true self, the gift of believing in myself and knowing nothing is more important. “Don’t speak ill of yourself,” he told me, “Believe you are beautiful.” His words impacted me and I realized, no matter what your faults are or what has blemished your soul, always remain positive, original and true to yourself. How we perceive ourselves is a reflection of maturity and our belief in ourselves. Not knowing about ourselves is a reflection of insecurity and a skeptical attitude is doubting oneself.
I began to dissect little by little the things I liked about myself. This exercise actually allowed me to free myself of any shallow esteem lurking within me. I began to accept my flaws but began to show off my positive qualities. I gained a little more confidence on a distinct level.
How I carry the load of my life, how I display my character, and how maturely I frame my figure all bring together the person I am. My beauty isn’t just surface level either, rather skin deep. I’m aware of my mannerisms, my speech, my attitude towards another human being. It’s all part of what makes me attractive. In the end, he did agree; “Your smile is beautiful dear and you carry this attractive quality very well. The grace in which you carry yourself makes you the most unique and appealing, but you have yet to answer the question for yourself…”