An arm reached out from behind me and opened the door. I must admit, I was taken aback. I couldn’t remember the last time a gentleman opened a car door for me. Jokingly I said ‘You’re on the wrong side!’ A little humor never hurt anyone but this humor hid the truth about the actual feelings that gave birth inside me at that moment.
I almost felt as important as the luxury vehicle I was about to step into. Was it an infatuation in my head that allowed me to believe I was actually worth this kind of treatment? It was the feminism in me that led me to believe I didn’t need this nonsense from a man and now it suddenly became the old fashioned lass in me that desired an obsession to be treated like a lady.
There were gentle signs of adoration that floated around the table. It was the attentiveness to my conversation allowing me to talk freely. It was the hand across my waist that guided me to my seat. It was the words of encouragement allowing me to choose what I desired on the menu. Above all this it was the hours that passed in a moment because I was made to feel valued.
Everyone on this earth has a need buried deep down, a need of want, acceptance or simply to be desired. We also fear rejection on certain levels. We’re very good at putting up a false face or making ourselves believe we don’t want something when we know we can’t have it. It makes it easier to deal with; a false sense of satisfaction.
It’s our needs that sometimes prevent us from enjoying the very things we already have acquired. It’s also our needs that tell us our desires are unfulfilled. I would be foolish to say fulfilling our needs is not important. For instance, we humans, we’re a tactile species. Each one of us desires touch to some extent. Even those who keep to themselves, they’re the ones that need touch the most because they’re fighting with some deep emotions. Battling demons of resentment towards past bitterness. We put up our guards, but it doesn’t discount the fact we still long for affection.
There is nothing wrong with wants and needs but there is something very wrong with believing that we are not worthy of kindness, regard or attentiveness. It’s very easy to suppress a desire for fear of rejection or even the ability to think it’s unattainable.
Throughout my lifetime my expectations diminished, I became comfortable with mistreatment and eventually I realized a part of me was expecting too much. We all expect to some extent. If I am expecting to be treated a certain way, I too must push the same behavior, but it tires you, when you keep giving and receive nothing in return. The irony of this massacre unraveled itself when I realized I had no idea how to behave in the presence of all this gentility. It caught me off guard and I wasn’t sure how to accept the gestures. I opened my own car doors, pulled up my own chair, someone talked over me always, ordered for me and left me at the table alone because their manners didn’t follow them. You can’t miss something you never had but along the same line you process the thought of having it anyway.
This particular event also surfaced shameful truths. How a car can be valued more than a human, how a materialistic luxury can be treated with so much care and yet a person can be degraded to the point of feeling worthless. I suppose I forgot what it was like to be treated like a lady. It was a simple encounter, going out for a meal, that perhaps enlightened my perception on how I would like to be treated. It became an observation for me on the fondness I had for being respected. Your company unveils the comfort in which you can communicate. I was willing to reveal a lot more because of the sentiments that were thrown at me. I realized I was craving a demeanor of a somber kind, one that left me feeling valued. Above all this, it is I who divulged deep down in my subconscious to that dormant underlying self awareness that had surfaced feelings of truly wanting to be treated like a lady respectfully, and now I want nothing less.