Worth a celebration

I’m escorted through the dining area to my table in a corner. I thank the waiter and get comfortable in the booth seating, it’s perfect. Away from the crowd.  Why I prefer to be secluded I still don’t know. There are a lot of things about me I still haven’t figured out. I check my phone, my company is running late. As I accept a glass of water I gaze around. The music pairs nicely with my surroundings and the ambience stimulates my need to celebrate something. My eyes fixate on a couple. They seem happier than most middle aged couples I’ve seen.  It delights me to know they’re glowing, probably empty nesters, out on a date.  I wonder if they have a secret to their obsession. A magic potion I didn’t know about, that allows them to tolerate each other’s company still.  As I chuckle to myself I begin to realize my own insanity. I should know better, I don’t know their story, but it does little to draw me away and I speculate anyway.

Her face seems jovial and he seems to care.  He reaches for her hand and I see the attentiveness in his touch. He probably assisted in choosing her dress, telling her how the aqua color complimented her hair.  Most likely gifted her the beautiful diamond studs that sparkle in the candle light.  Just before they left the house he probably pulled her towards him and told her how beautiful she looked. That’s it, all we want really.  Someone to pay attention to us and tell us how much we are valued and how our efforts to look pretty are not overlooked. The wear and tear on our figures shouldn’t take away from the care that still lives in our hearts. 

He probably carried her coat, opened the door and made her feel like a queen. You don’t have to own a crown just to know that you deserved one. The smile lines indented in his bearded face tells me her spoken words humored him. It’s the little conversations, the meaningless subjects that humors us the most and that is what tends to die first.  We want to laugh again, let loose and be amused but what happens?  When do the simple things become irritating? When does life become so serious and a train of never ending wants and needs that can’t be fulfilled? 

I observe them as they discuss the menu options together and I see the excitement in her eyes as she scans the menu. No one is ordering for her, or even just ordering her for that matter.  It’s all we want, isn’t it? Someone to sit beside you and allow you to be yourself. Someone to hug you tightly and tell you they’ll always be there right beside you. Someone to wish you a good morning and good night. Someone to gaze at your heavenly face and make you feel like there is no other more important. 

What we craved all along is what we figure out later in life. It’s not the materialistic things, it’s such simple mindful painless efforts. Comfort food, a touch, a few words, a companion. We outgrow the need to be controlled by our surroundings. It’s not a race anymore. We look around for the need to sit on the side and just take a breath. With time it becomes so pertinent. 

He pours for her, pulls her chair, kisses her cheek. We want that respect, the same care, attention and someone’s time.  I wanted to feel important, worthy even. The neglect, disregard and unfavored responses fueled my existence and now I just watch something I never had. The candle on my table flickers as another couple pass by. It reminds me of how hard we try to keep the flame from burning out, it becomes so much harder than we want to believe. Every relationship has its ups and downs.  Then comes a time, we have to decide if lighting the candle again is going to be worth the effort.

As I glance up from my menu, I see their wine glasses being filled.  We pour our everything into relationships in the beginning and then life happens. We begin to take one another for granted and in that illusion we miss the importance of the value of another human being. They toast, perhaps to good health and happiness, I silently wish the same for them. Everyone deserves happiness and to be celebrated, whether you belong beside another or you travel solo. Your worth does not diminish because you were not valued. It  decreases when you don’t value yourself and we all are worth a celebration!