I scan the menu as if it’s the first time I’ve sat at this coffee shop. I already know my preference and yet I feel the need to browse just in case I missed something on the menu the last time I was here. I laugh out loud with my friend as I humor her. We meet frequently and embark on conversation over coffee. I enjoy her company, we have a lot in common. Suddenly I feel my phone vibrate in my bag and I fumble around for it. It’s my best friend calling and I want to answer because it’s an odd time for her to call. We have our scheduled time as distance has become a hurdle and so she takes precedence.
I ponder about friendships sometimes, the word ‘Friend’ doesn’t really need a prefix, it says a lot just on its own. A good friend should be there for you, to be able to laugh with you, lend a shoulder and be loyal. Simple traits, nothing fancy. But with the title comes expectations and those expectations cannot be met throughout one lifetime. People come in and out of your life, some drift and some remain. Some take away a part of you and some leave you with lessons. Friends cross your path for a reason. Sometimes we grow apart from each other and we no longer have things in common. Life happens and then distance pulls you away, we evolve. That is how the world turns, how we progress.
In my life, I’ve been hurt by friends, I’ve consoled them and I have shared some happiest moments with them too. I have old friends that have seen me through most of my life, others just my adult life and some that I’ve only known a year or two. I have friends that don’t know much about me and a few who have lived my story. Some I don’t see for years at a time and others hold a bond that makes life unimaginable without them. How do some friends become such a big part of your life? These once strangers from different worlds become your family, it is true, they become the family that you choose. Family members are permanent and you have to learn to get along. These ‘family’ friends you handpick.
Close friends hold secrets about each other that only they will take to the grave. They are with you through the ups and downs that life throws your way. Anyone will celebrate in your joys but only a select few will walk with you in your time of sorrow. Those are your true friends, the ones that won’t let the second tear shed. The ones that know how to make you smile and the ones that will scold you, criticize you and run to you when no other is around for comfort. I would consider you blessed if you have even one of these, they are the antidote to this chaotic, inconsistent life. You need them to safeguard.
We make friends in every stage of our life and in each stage we look for some qualities that will suffice our needs at that point in time. But there are those few soles with whom we maintain a strong link with, in all those stages because they shed love of another kind, one that looks past your imperfections. They adhere to your heart and tie a bond that joins deep emotions. They enhance your well being. You hold a mutual connection and your traits match, you hold each other up and there is no fear of judgment.
No one is perfect. You take a friend with their good qualities and the bad ones, then you weigh them. We all do it unconsciously. When the good qualities outweigh the bad ones AND you can look past them, then you can rest assured you made a good choice. Good friendship also means you are willing to stand up for each other’s beliefs, you can forgive and are willing to walk that extra mile, you need to love without conditions. Each friend in your life holds a different position on the ladder, just like no person is alike, each friendship is not the same. You cannot replace a person or friendship and no other can fill that space. Complicated relationships don’t work. Friendship shouldn’t be work, it shouldn’t be a daunting task, it should flow, effortlessly, simply.
I take a sip of my tepid coffee and smile, my friend is surprised I’m ok with drinking it now that it’s lost its zest. Oh, but I’d forsake my favorite cup of java anytime to listen to a friend in need. Friendship is a lot like coffee. They come from different parts of the world, no bean is identical, no roast is similar in taste. Every sip should make you feel worthy, every cup should leave you feeling mellow and warm. If it’s too bitter, you add a bit of sweetness to offset it and if it’s not meant to be, you let it go. You can always revisit it again and if not you can always try tea.